God is an App.

The Life Coach asked me “What are you really good at?” Because success lies in our greatest strength. The answer is not sales, interior design, carpentry, auditioning for a musical. I am good at worrying. You might consider that we are all very good at that skill, just like we are all pretty good at breathing and sleeping. But I want to be of service to the world. It’s a market economy. Will you pay me a trifle to worry for you?
No. It’s like paying me a trifle to take a shit for you. Worry is personal. Worries are an integral part of your consciousness. To be human, to know certain truths, like we’re fucked, is to worry. To be intelligent is to worry about serious issues- Global Warming. To be stupid is to worry about minuscule issues-My husband is cheating on me. If would be wonderful if another person could worry for you, but that is the role of religious fanaticism. Give it up to God, any God, who cares which God- make one up- and hand your burden to that non-enity who is birthed from worry. No worry: No God. God is an app. — God is a download- God is a technique to control your concerns. Grab his balls with all your might- just as you would grab at the last apple on the Tree of Life. Survival of the Most Holy. Look to your left and right? Who’s got the best tables at the best restaurants? Image (1) img_4536.JPG for post 152

Car as Canvas

Scan 21Tough on the resale value, maybe, but critical for immediate identification of your vehicle in a miles wide Walmart parking lot. Would anyone steal this car? No. Leave your keys in it. Keep the doors ajar. Will anyone hit this car, cut in front of you on the highway, ride your bumper? I guess no. Instincts prevail; stay clear of that which is suspect- the Other. Is it an aging half blind hippie behind the wheel or a lunatic with a gun? Worse yet, a frustrated artist.   You’ll have room to maneuver on the road; You will own the road. Speed up, slow down, orchestrate the momentum, lead from behind. When the car finally dies, it becomes an automatic art installation- available for scrap metal- which you offer to a sculptor in exchange for a shard of the left bumper- a shard you can blow torch into a silver chandelier. A car isn’t ever just a car.

Reverse Photoshopping

older  Someday soon it will be cool to be old- really old, almost dead. It will be hip to be wrinkled and age spotted and creviced. Why? because everything that looks perfect will be suspect…. Life, if not experienced through a technological app, is a manipulation– from recording studios to photography, reality is a hologram- a non-truth, a sucker punch- a complete sham. We all know it but we feel we don’t have any choice but to participate. The stakes get higher, the perfection more perfect- more than perfect, unworldly, unreal, distorted, like a Disney cartoon – with the birdies singing in the trees, feathers unruffled, doing a little birdie dance across a tree limb. The birdies on the screen do not age, and they do not die. We all know better…. and soon we will crave the underbelly– the false note, the dull sunset.  In order

to prepare for this cultural turn-about, I suggest reverse photoshopping-sound recording, etc. – embracing and enhancing our defects in an effort to get real. Now, excuse me while I make an appointment with a plastic surgeon.

The Song List Grows..and grows


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 My trio and I are determined to never be stumped by a request.

 

 

As Time Goes By    C

A Train   Bb

After You’ve Gone  C

A Foggy  Day    Db

All of Me   C

All or Nothing at all  Em

Be Meir Bis Du Eb

Black Coffee  G

Body and Soul   Ab

Blue Skies  Am

But Beautiful   Ab

Boulevard of Broken Dreams  Em

Best is Yet to Come   E

Can’t Take That away from Me  G

Can’t Take that Away  G

Crazy he calls me  C

Cheek to Cheek   G

Don’t Explain

Don’t Worry Bout Me  C

Fascinating Rhythm   D

Funny Valentine  C

Give my Regards to Broadway  Eb

I get a Kick out of You  G

Fever   Cm

It’s Don’t Mean a Thing   Bb

I Can’t give you Anything but Love  Eb

I Love Paris   C

I Want to Be Happy  Eb

Get Happy  Ab

Let’ Get Away from it All   F

Lover Man   D

More than you Know

My Buddy  Bb

Making Whoopie   G

My Kind of Trouble is You   F#

New York, New York  Eb

Pennies from Heaven   C

Route 66   G

Smoke Gets in your Eyes  A

Stormy Weather   D

Summertime  Bb

Satin Doll  C

Sing, Sing, Sing   Em

Side by Side  G

Slow Boat to China

The Man I Love  G

Tomorrow   Eb

Night and Day    E

Moon River   D

Lazy Afternoon G

Strangers in the Night  A

Love and Marriage   Eb

Let’s Get Lost  Dmaj

Summer Wind   E

All or Nothing at All  Em

Embraceable You   Bb

Just in Time   Bb

My Way  B

Nobody does it Better  F

Don’t Get Around Much anymore   Bb

Who Can I Turn To?  Bb

Where or When  C

 

 

Very good year  C

Whiskey Bar   Dm

More  Db

Shadow of your Smile  Bb

Wee Small Hours  Ab

Luck be a Lady   F

Witchcraft  D

Second Time Around

A tisket, A Tasket  G

Am I blue   Bb

Beyond the Sea  C

Blues Skies  Bb

But Beautiful   Ab

Cry me a River

Fine and Mellow   F

Good Morning Heartache   Db

How Long has This been Going On

I’ll be Seeing You  C

I should care  Eb

My Buddy  Bb

Sentimental Journey C

Slow Boat to China   G

Summertime  Bb

Stormy Weather  D

That’s All  F

Where or When

On a Clear Day  Emaj7

Tuxedo Junction  Eb

Pennies from Heaven  Eb

Honeysuckle Rose   G

In the Mood   F

Cheek to Cheek  G

Bill Bailey   Eb

Do Nothing till you Hear from Me

Cry me a River

Funny Valentine  C

I’m Always Chasing Rainbows

Smoke Gets in your Eyes Ab

Fever  Cm

Night and Day  E

Juke Box Saturday Night

Hello Dolly   G

I Could have Danced all Night  D

Climb Every Mountain  Bb

Make Someone Happy  C

Moonlight in Vermont

Once in a While  C

Let’s get Away from it All  F

Me and my Gin

One Meatball

It Don’t Mean a Thing

Ain’t Misbehavin   G

That Old Feeling  C

Something Stupid   Bb

Strangers in the Night   A

Over the Rainbow

My Favorite Things  Bbm

But Beautiful   Bb

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend   C

Regards to Broadway    Eb

A Taste of Honey   Db

New York State of Mind   Ab

Pennies from Heaven   C

People will say we’re in love  Bb

Satin Doll  C

Till There was You  Bb

Unforgettable  F

Kick out of you   G

I’m all Smiles

Whiskey and Gin  Bb

Cement Mixer   C

Dancing on the Ceiling

The Parties Over

Chattanooga Choo Choo

When the Saints come Marching    C

When you Wish Upon a Star

Why Don’t you Do Right?

Sleepin Bee  B

That Old Feeling  C

When Sunny Gets Blue

Who can I Turn To

Deep Purple  G

It was a Very Good Year   Ab

I Got it Bad and That Ain’t Good

Is you or Is you Not my Baby

Just One of those Things

Old Devil Moon

Polka Dots and Moonbeams

Swing Low Sweet Chariot   B

Just you, Just me

How High the Moon  B

Im a fool to Want You

You’re Nobody till Somebody Loves you

Hit the Road to Dreamland

Until the Real Thing Comes Along

The Good Life

I Wanna be Around

Smile

Up a Lazy River

Gimme A Pigfoot and a Bottle of Beer

I’ve been working on the railroad

Always

I’ll never be the same   Eb

I’m All Smiles

Deep Purple  G

I Believe in You

Running Wild

Another Opening, Another Show

I Can’t stop Loving You  G

Nevertheless, I’m in Love with You

Zing, went the strings  C

Spring is Here  Db

A Good Man is Hard to Find

After the Ball is Over

Here’s that Rainy Day

Hello Ma Baby    C

Don’t Go to Strangers

Rawhide   A

Im Beginning to See the Light   F

You’d be So Nice to Come Home To   Eb

Johnny One Note

Keepin out of Mischief Now

I Don’t Know Enough About You  Bb

Let the Good Times Roll

Good Morning Heartache  Db

I’ve Written a Letter to Daddy  F

Pizza Every Night   F minor

I should Care   Eb

Get Happy

Happiness is Just a Thing Called Joe

Big Nobody

La Vie En Rose   C

Nobodies Sweetheart Now   Bb

New York State of Mind   Ab

I’ll Never be the Same   Eb

Stout Hearted Men

 

The Song List Grows..and grows


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 My trio and I are determined to never be stumped by a request.

 

 

As Time Goes By    C

A Train   Bb

After You’ve Gone  C

A Foggy  Day    Db

All of Me   C

All or Nothing at all  Em

Be Meir Bis Du Eb

Black Coffee  G

Body and Soul   Ab

Blue Skies  Am

But Beautiful   Ab

Boulevard of Broken Dreams  Em

Best is Yet to Come   E

Can’t Take That away from Me  G

Can’t Take that Away  G

Crazy he calls me  C

Cheek to Cheek   G

Don’t Explain

Don’t Worry Bout Me  C

Fascinating Rhythm   D

Funny Valentine  C

Give my Regards to Broadway  Eb

I get a Kick out of You  G

Fever   Cm

It’s Don’t Mean a Thing   Bb

I Can’t give you Anything but Love  Eb

I Love Paris   C

I Want to Be Happy  Eb

Get Happy  Ab

Let’ Get Away from it All   F

Lover Man   D

More than you Know

My Buddy  Bb

Making Whoopie   G

My Kind of Trouble is You   F#

New York, New York  Eb

Pennies from Heaven   C

Route 66   G

Smoke Gets in your Eyes  A

Stormy Weather   D

Summertime  Bb

Satin Doll  C

Sing, Sing, Sing   Em

Side by Side  G

Slow Boat to China

The Man I Love  G

Tomorrow   Eb

Night and Day    E

Moon River   D

Lazy Afternoon G

Strangers in the Night  A

Love and Marriage   Eb

Let’s Get Lost  Dmaj

Summer Wind   E

All or Nothing at All  Em

Embraceable You   Bb

Just in Time   Bb

My Way  B

Nobody does it Better  F

Don’t Get Around Much anymore   Bb

Who Can I Turn To?  Bb

Where or When  C

 

 

Very good year  C

Whiskey Bar   Dm

More  Db

Shadow of your Smile  Bb

Wee Small Hours  Ab

Luck be a Lady   F

Witchcraft  D

Second Time Around

A tisket, A Tasket  G

Am I blue   Bb

Beyond the Sea  C

Blues Skies  Bb

But Beautiful   Ab

Cry me a River

Fine and Mellow   F

Good Morning Heartache   Db

How Long has This been Going On

I’ll be Seeing You  C

I should care  Eb

My Buddy  Bb

Sentimental Journey C

Slow Boat to China   G

Summertime  Bb

Stormy Weather  D

That’s All  F

Where or When

On a Clear Day  Emaj7

Tuxedo Junction  Eb

Pennies from Heaven  Eb

Honeysuckle Rose   G

In the Mood   F

Cheek to Cheek  G

Bill Bailey   Eb

Do Nothing till you Hear from Me

Cry me a River

Funny Valentine  C

I’m Always Chasing Rainbows

Smoke Gets in your Eyes Ab

Fever  Cm

Night and Day  E

Juke Box Saturday Night

Hello Dolly   G

I Could have Danced all Night  D

Climb Every Mountain  Bb

Make Someone Happy  C

Moonlight in Vermont

Once in a While  C

Let’s get Away from it All  F

Me and my Gin

One Meatball

It Don’t Mean a Thing

Ain’t Misbehavin   G

That Old Feeling  C

Something Stupid   Bb

Strangers in the Night   A

Over the Rainbow

My Favorite Things  Bbm

But Beautiful   Bb

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend   C

Regards to Broadway    Eb

A Taste of Honey   Db

New York State of Mind   Ab

Pennies from Heaven   C

People will say we’re in love  Bb

Satin Doll  C

Till There was You  Bb

Unforgettable  F

Kick out of you   G

I’m all Smiles

Whiskey and Gin  Bb

Cement Mixer   C

Dancing on the Ceiling

The Parties Over

Chattanooga Choo Choo

When the Saints come Marching    C

When you Wish Upon a Star

Why Don’t you Do Right?

Sleepin Bee  B

That Old Feeling  C

When Sunny Gets Blue

Who can I Turn To

Deep Purple  G

It was a Very Good Year   Ab

I Got it Bad and That Ain’t Good

Is you or Is you Not my Baby

Just One of those Things

Old Devil Moon

Polka Dots and Moonbeams

Swing Low Sweet Chariot   B

Just you, Just me

How High the Moon  B

Im a fool to Want You

You’re Nobody till Somebody Loves you

Hit the Road to Dreamland

Until the Real Thing Comes Along

The Good Life

I Wanna be Around

Smile

Up a Lazy River

Gimme A Pigfoot and a Bottle of Beer

I’ve been working on the railroad

Always

I’ll never be the same   Eb

I’m All Smiles

Deep Purple  G

I Believe in You

Running Wild

Another Opening, Another Show

I Can’t stop Loving You  G

Nevertheless, I’m in Love with You

Zing, went the strings  C

Spring is Here  Db

A Good Man is Hard to Find

After the Ball is Over

Here’s that Rainy Day

Hello Ma Baby    C

Don’t Go to Strangers

Rawhide   A

Im Beginning to See the Light   F

You’d be So Nice to Come Home To   Eb

Johnny One Note

Keepin out of Mischief Now

I Don’t Know Enough About You  Bb

Let the Good Times Roll

Good Morning Heartache  Db

I’ve Written a Letter to Daddy  F

Pizza Every Night   F minor

I should Care   Eb

Get Happy

Happiness is Just a Thing Called Joe

Big Nobody

La Vie En Rose   C

Nobodies Sweetheart Now   Bb

New York State of Mind   Ab

I’ll Never be the Same   Eb

Stout Hearted Men