I will be dragging a bowling ball on a chain wrapped around my ankle and wearing handcuffs. Otherwise, I intend to make appropriate small talk with party goers celebrating the first edition of a new magazine featuring one of my stories. I am honored to be included in the first edition of the Newpy News, and look forward to working with the editors on future issues. The bowling ball and handcuffs signify my mental state at the moment, and the confinement of said equipment will provoke a spontaneous and musically uplifting performance installation without signifigance although I will be suggesting that I am against slavery and the limitations of my First Amendment rights. Yes, it’s a powerful and physically challenging endeavor, as I recreate the most intricate dance sequences from “West Side Story.” The subtexts of both musical and magazine, being one in the same, will allow both audience participation and chanting. After singing “Somewhere” I will be reading from my latest vignette based on information collected during my Washington D.C. hotel visit with a Congressional Aide. He, may I add, is Hispanic and helped me to better understand reignited resentments of minorities in the United States. My performance installation, the first in a series of ten, will make absolutely no sense until, after three drinks, I write an essay explaining it in an application for an arts grant. The comedic value of this piece cannot be overstated.