The producer of Buddy Cianci’s radio show e-mailed me several weeks ago and said he’d like me to be on the show. He had been playing my CD version of “Rhode Island is Famous for You” and both he and Buddy were looking forward to my move back to Providence, which I have been seriously considering. After all, my musicians are there, I have best friends there, it’s still comparatively cheap to live there. There still aren’t any gigs unless you want to sing in an Italian restaurant under a hanging salami, but Boston is close enough. Newport is summer chic and 25 minutes away.
But this producer, whats-his-name didn’t return my phone calls ( six of them) or my e-mails (two) over the course of two weeks.
The percentage of unreturned phone calls per city says alot about the city itself. A legitimate phone call not returned indicates that the person is either dead or an asshole. Of course if you track them down they always say they had the flu or were on vacation, as though they forgot to check their voice mail for two weeks. Self important people often do not return phone calls. A city full of self-important assholes affects the quality of life in that city, more than weather, jobs, housing, parking, the Arts.
My studies have shown there to be high percentage of phone calls not returned in Providence, R.I. and Sarasota, Florida. Cities with the best phone call return ratio are New York City and Washington D.C. It doesn’t seem possible, does it- being that those two cities house alot of heavy hitters. It could be that the big wigs in the big cities have figured out that you don’t know what a person can do for you until you talk to them and meet them. Laurel Casey could be anybody. Their mistress’s best friend, readying herself to tell his wife about the affair. A long lost relative with information about his or her genetic code. The next best thing because a next thing starts out as nothing.
Second stringers, in smaller cities, are insecure about their power quotient. They need to leverage themselves in simple ways, like not returning a phone call. To them, not returning a phone call is a heavy duty message to the universe, let alone the person calling. The message being, “I don’t gots to talk to nobody.” or “I’ll talks to somebody when I feels like it.” You can’t argue with them. They have every right not to return your phone call and they are obviously doing you a big favor because they have told you, without words, that they are egotistical assholes. This is a time-saver.
Whoever has not returned your phone call doesn’t want to talk to you. Why? Either they have made you a promise they dont want to keep or they don’t know who the hell you are. The Top Tier guys don’t care if they know you or not, they’ll call you back. They don’t care if they have to tell you they can’t keep their promise. They do it all the time.
I prefer the straight forward approach. I prefer to be given the benefit of the doubt. I am going back to Washington D.C. this week so that I can call people and have them call me back. It is such a good feeling and worth the higher rent.