THIS APPLIES TO YOU!!! No one is reading my blog. No one comes to my website. You can all go fuck yourselves. Don’t you know genius when you see it, you idiots? I am surrounded by idiots. They are choking me into conformity because I am afraid of starving to death. Well guess what, Fuckheads? I have found a church that offers cans of beans and huge packages of rice, for zippo. There are also social programs that help people like me, okay? All I have to do is stare into space and someone will come along and give me a cup of soup and a blanket. What do you have to do to make that happen in your life, give someone a blow job, like your wife for example? Someone has got you by the balls and you like it. Tug, tug. Yeah, do it again. Oh, that stings a little. You morons. Not only do you march in a little line with other little liners, you all get together for cook-outs when the weather is acceptable. Oh! Sometimes you’ll brave a cook-out in the rain! wow! What a marvelous dare! How outrageous! And lets not forget that wild tie you wore to the Governor’s ball! Goodness gracious, everyone thought you were just out of this world crazy! They are still talking about it at the club! Oh, what a crazy so and so! You can always count on so and so to get a party going! You fucking morons. You simple minded sheep. You sad, pathetic lemmings. You gloriously beautifully damaged human beings. My heart goes out to you.
LET ME HELP YOU! I can send you a razor blade C.O.D. or, better yet, I would like to send you some money. Nobody knows anything, including me, but I think you probably like money. I know I do. All you have to do to get some money from me: you are going to have to ask. You are going to have to come on the website and ask. This is an open invitation for anyone that wants to do that. This is the Deal of the Day. If you e-mail me and tell me you want money, I’ll send you some. Top that, CNN or Linda Presasnti, of 13444 Pennsyvania Ave, Baltimore, Maryland. Or how about Karen Finley, c/o N.E.A. suck-ups, 1200 14th floor, Madison, Wisconsin. Hey, tell you friends to come to the website and I will give them some money, too. Hey, it’s easy to give money when you have some. Corporations? Rich Philanthopists? No problem giving money. They have plenty. Easiest thing in the world to give. And you know it. So don’t fake me out with your generous spirit. I don’t have any money and I am going to give anyone money who writes and asks. Now THAT is giving. Now, I don’t have much money, but I will send you more when I get it. Okay? Let’s stop taking and start giving! I will do my very best to get as much money to you as I can. Why? Because I care. I know what it’s like to worry about money and have money stress you out to the point where you are not enjoying your precious, short-lived time on this planet and not fullfilling your God given destiny because of a few smelly measley ten spots. I am shocked that none of my friends have sent me checks, knowing that I am a struggling artist, alone in the world, trying to get by. Well, I am not going to be like them. I am going to give to those who are worse off than I am, and that may be YOU. I am here for you. Write to me. Love, Laurel