To be a Writer, LOOK like a writer

the look of a writer

It’s easy. Don’t dye your hair. Chew your fingernails. Don’t wash you hands or face. Don’t change your clothes for days at a time. Leave your bed unmade. Leave empty wine glasses under the bureau. Leave bureau drawers pulled out. If you smell bad, spray the French way, with Ew Duh Toilet, right down the front of your shirt. Let the Toilet water drip into your belly button. Eat two boxes of triscuits while editing a rejected magazine article.
I had to get dressed to go out last night. It took me four hours of drawer and closet rummaging. Finally pulled on a pair of my daughter’s sweat pants and a top I bought from the Salvation Army that seemed to fit. Noticed the label:GAP MATERNITY. Didn’t know Gap made maternity clothes. Didn’t know they would fit me so well. Went out today to join a health club. Wore same sweat pants and a stained men’s T-shirt to a yoga class, with two different colored socks. Went on the treadmill in clogs, forgetting where I put my sneakers or if I ever had any. Came home and took a shower, and put on a mildewed Dress Barn cardigan over a spandex T-shirt and a pair of pajama bottoms. Wrote for twenty minutes. Took a nap. Woke up and sat in front of camera to take self-portrait of me being a writer in a dumpy writerly room. Think picture, if cropped, is perfect for back cover of my forthcoming self-help book about overeating called “Don’t Help Yourself”

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