Loose Marbles in Washington Square

Before it slips my mind, I happened upon this band in New Orleans last month and felt like I had been beamed back to my Gypsy Jazz roots. I heard a tuba, and looked into a window, and there were people dancing on the chairs and the bar, and a tuba player was following them around the room as he played. Continue reading

To be a Writer, LOOK like a writer

the look of a writer

It’s easy. Don’t dye your hair. Chew your fingernails. Don’t wash you hands or face. Don’t change your clothes for days at a time. Leave your bed unmade. Leave empty wine glasses under the bureau. Leave bureau drawers pulled out. If you smell bad, spray the French way, Continue reading

Don’t Worry Kids!! I’m coming!

Laurel’s audience

I glanced at my site today and two pages of it are about pants. I don’t have anything against pants, per se, but they had taken over my life, my website, my living room, my car, my brain. I was awake at night crunching pant numbers. Thankfully I was invited by a new friend, an artist, to see his work. I don’t know what happened to me, but both the artist and his work went right through me, Continue reading

Show Me The Money

I’m sorry I have to spell it out. It seems so vulgar, but I am sad to see so many men wasting their time pursuing me. Perfectly wonderful men, handsome, smart and employed. Listen, guys, there are lots of other women, younger, (not prettier or smarter or more talented, but younger and better dressed) — women for YOU, who would LOVE to be your woman, any time, any place and have money of their own!!!! Continue reading

Assistant Guru’s Chosen for Top-Secret Vermont Writer’s Retreat

underground connectionDel Long, of Newport, Rhode Island and Death Valley, Arizona, has been named Assistant Guru at the Top-Secret Dr. Casey Vermont Writer/Yoga Retreat, along with drug-runner, Harry Slidell, and Escort, Donna Botchkin. Del will spend one hour a year meditating on the meaning of life at the Retreat. This hour will be video-taped and made available to graduates of the Retreat Program. Del has been enlightened since 1968, while serving in Vietnam as a helicopter pilate. Harry Slidell, of New Orleans, has been selling drugs since 1988, and provides alcoholics with liver damage alternatives to cheap booze. Donna Botchkin, who runs a very successful Escort Service in Boston, will offer a two-hour talk on Tax Evasion and the Missionary Position. Mr. Matt Macintire, of Washington, D.C. has offered to develop an on-site pottery installation consisting of cups and saucers. Ms. Rebecca Baxter, of Sarasota, Florida will join Dr. Casey’s brother, Philip Casey, Jr. for a photographic field expedition of manure pies. They will work in conjunction with Harry Slidell, who is developing a manure substance that can be inhaled.  

The picture: This is my dear old friend, Del, and we have the same birthday. So what? Del got me started writing in 1994 or 5. We were dating, living in Brooklyn, but not together, and he decided to travel cross country with Paul Geremia, the guitarist. Del was going to play piano and keep Paul company. That left me in Brooklyn with nothing to do except pine away because at that point I didn’t want to do anything but sit on top of him, drink wine, sleep, go to a movie.

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There is no question I am completely out of my mind. Isn’t it wonderful?

out of my mind I have too much time on my hands. There is no question about it. I have got to get out there again! I haven’t felt like going outside since my mother died, really. I did the show at the Chinese Restaurant but that was more like ordering out than going out. Everything I used to care about I am not sure I care about anymore. I do not know whether I want to go to Divinity School in California or Clown College in Boston. I have heard they use the same textbooks, so it probably doesn’t matter. If anyone has any advice concerning a mid-life career alteration please let me know. Love always, LALA

Is It “Only Money?”

I have friends who actually believe that money is not important. I know, on one level that they’re right. As much as I bitch about being broke, I have never gone hungry or slept on a park bench. Still, the fact that I have spent most of the money my parents left me on my dog’s spine concerns me. Now, these are the facts. Continue reading

I thought I wanted a “boyfriend”

“Losing site of her objectives, she redoubled her efforts” Truer words have never been plagarized. At some point between loneliness and confusion I realized that I did not want a boyfriend. How could this be? Everybody wants a boyfriend, or partner, or girlfriend or mistress or husband/wife, SOMEONE Continue reading

ADHD Challenges

It is time I convinced my doctor that whining for Ritalin is not drug seeking behavior. Yes, everyone says they’re ADHD or ADD, while in fact they are only nervous, anxious, manic or real happy. My doctor and I have discussed the fact that I cannot make a sandwich, but he still is not convinced. Let’s say I have a jar of mayonaise, slices of turkey, cheese, ham and two slices of bread. A knife. A plate. I do not make the sandwich. I eat the turkey and cheese and ham as is, and eat the bread as is, and sometimes dip a spoon into the mayonaise. All ingredients end up in my stomach at about the same time, so I figure it can coagulate into a sandwich there. Continue reading